Tuesday, 21 February 2017

All The Single Ladies...

I'm independent, always have been . I expect it comes from being youngest of five, a Leo, daughter of an ex Royal Marine father and a true feminist mother. At least that's how I know myself.
I went to boarding school aged 10. I did a fair amount of airport traversing alone during my early teens, as well as  taking trains and automobiles up and down the country visiting other family members and friends.
This has some amazing good points, and some not so good.

I rarely look for help, with anything. I like to figure things out on my own. This means I can do stuff, some stuff, the things I want to do stuff. I will push and pull furniture around my own house on my own (this is a Smyth woman thing) sometimes causing pain and injury to myself and occasional damage to property.

Steadfastly sailing my own ship has meant I have lost out on a meaningful and loving relationship. I don't let my guard down easily, and if I am let down I take it very badly. I hate to feel needy and loathe neediness in others.

I can connect up a washing machine, dishwasher and all the TV and PC wire gadgetry required for modern life. I can wire a plug and replace a fuse, light a fire and am good at bar-b-que. I can build most IKEA furniture and I'm excellent at unblocking vacuum cleaners.I can cut grass although I most certainly do not.

I am not afraid to discipline my children (or other people's) and will always stand up for them, and myself. I have been known to get into scrapes defending friends and colleagues from unwanted advances, rudeness and injustice. I am afraid of very little (apart from potentially falling over on a slippy floor while wearing high heels). I will complain about bad service and don't let taxi drivers away with inappropriate remarks. I am happy in my own company, although I do love to be with people who interest me.

These are good things, as I see it, independence has a downside though. I don't need anyone , which can  make me come across as frosty, or snooty. those who know me , I hope, will confirm I am most categorically neither.

Monday, 6 February 2017

Why Being "Hot" Leaves Me Cold.

I've been single now for approximately 16 months. Whilst I am not desperate for some new love, nor pining for my old one, I am not dead. I would like a thoughtful , attractive man to go out with , to chat to after a tough day and of course sex can be fun..... What is on offer online falls rather short of my requirements.
Once you have waded through the married and attached, the too far away, the unfortunately featured and the non-linguistically gifted you are left with the rest. More filtering, too short, too young, too old, smokers, unemployed, those with dubious political opinions and affiliations, the shady and defensive, and those who want children. This all takes time, patience and effort.


So you filter , and filter, and make it clear in your carefully written profile that you are not looking for a one night stand and have no desire to meet anyone in a car park; you are witty and charming allowing your personality to shine out, game on.

That's when the real madness starts. You start getting messages, from men you don't know telling you you're "fit" or "hot" or asking you if "you're as horny as your photos". What?
Now I love a compliment, who doesn't? I like to be told I have a great smile , nice legs or fabulous hair, but this is something different. It's creepy, unwanted and smacks of inadequacy. They say what they would like to do to me, ask aggressively if I can take a "good pounding". I learned not to engage in conversation at all with this breed. Don't feed the trolls.

I met a guy a few months ago, we got on well. He was nice looking, employed and clean and he had a wicked sense of humour. All good. We met twice and left things open as to a 3rd date. He messaged me a few weeks later to tell me that he'd met someone he was really interested in . He felt it would take a few months to get to know her and to get to a level of intimacy with her. In the mean time , he said, would I be interested in meeting for nsa sex? No I wouldn't

Where has it all gone wrong? Did our grandmothers and mothers fight for women's rights just to fan the flame of misogyny? I respect men, why do so few respect me? Online dating is an excuse for some men to say what they really think- they hide behind a keyboard and let their real feelings flow out of their fingertips. My biggest fear is that in  over one hundred years of women fighting for our rights we haven't moved on. We have a woman hater in the world's top job. I don't want my daughters to wade through this quagmire of filth.

If you are a man, looking for dates online, be funny, be charming, be flirtatious, but don't be surprised if you tell someone  that they're "hot" they don't go immediately cold. I would.