Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Be More Cat .

 The world of  internet dating, particularly within the over 35 group, is populated by dogs, and cats.

Let me explain by showing the difference between dogs and cats

Dogs- loyal, even to owners who don't deserve it. They are affectionate on demand or risk rejection. They eat whatever is given to them and are grateful for it. They wait to be let out and walked and go wherever their owner wants them to. They are trained using punishment and reward to behave in an acceptable way for their owner. They like to be part of a pack, although they are more often than not, the bottom of the hierarchy.

Cats- fickle,  they will go where the best food or bed is. They will see off  any other cats. They will give affection on their own terms, and will scratch or bite if it's not delivered properly. Affection is almost always given when a cat demands it. Cats only eat food they like. They will stalk their human until the correct food is served and they will reward them by eating a little of it, then ignoring them for the rest of the day. Cats come and go as they please. They are not owned. Neither are they trained, if anything they train their owners. They can live with or without a pack.

How do these things relate to adult men and women you say? Here's my theory

When a relationship breaks down the cat will move on to the next dish and bed without a backward glance.
Dogs tend to lick their wounds , regroup and tentatively date until they find a kind partner (owner).

Cats will have a  dating check list. They'll want a leggy brunette with big boobs, no kids and a city centre crash pad; they'll likely get 3 out of the 4 things.

Dogs will try having a check list but will struggle to find a new owner who can string a sentence together so often settle for employed and not smelly. Given kindness and affection many dogs will stop there. Some also think we can train, cajole and mold our chosen one to our way of thinking. We buy him shirts and toys and take him to a better barber, we choose the wine and the scatter cushions and while the Salmon nibs and bed are to his liking he may stay.

Don't think your man is cat like? Maybe it's just the daters and not the settled, but think about this;

There's a sporting event/stag do/ golf weekend he wants to go to, but it clashes with another family event, your mother's 80th/ your best friend's wedding/ your graduation. What happens?

1. he goes to his stag do, you go to the family event alone
2. he huffs and sulks or picks a fight so you storm off to your event leaving him free to go to his.
3. he goes with you, but keeping his phone clamped in his hand keeping up with the scores, he is quiet and barely civil to your friends and family.
4. he goes with you but drinks so much you hate him.

What happens at the next clash? You let him go to his, without a fuss, as it's just not worth it. Your cat has trained you.

In dating, even in this enlightened age it is the dog's role to wait to be chosen. Cats do the choosing for themselves, they will have more than one option in case something doesn't work out with their first choice. I can guarantee that they will have laid plans for option 2 and possibly 3 before they leave option 1. The owner who makes life easiest for the cat will be the one who keeps him, but at what cost?
I'm sharpening my claws as we speak....

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

A Handbag?

You can tell a lot about a man, they say, by the shoes he wears. What can you tell about a woman by her handbag and the contents thereof??
Well lets see.

 I like a nice bag as much as the next woman , but I don't understand the whole designer bag thing. It's just somewhere to carry your stuff. I bought this number on Ebay. I wanted brown but got a sort of bronze. It's not my favourite and because of it's size and the ample pocket allowance the temptation is to FILL IT WITH STUFF.

What stuff I hear you ask? A lot , lot of stuff.

this all came out of one bag. I have also decluttered it recently.

A pile of receipts, some personal ( bin) some business ( file) a few leaflets and vouchers I will never use (bin)

I change bags rarely, and even then usually not fully. So I have bags with stuff in for months or years, a lipstick here, a packet of tissues there. 

 No less than 4 purses. One of them belongs to my middle child, but the other 3 are mine, and all contain cash.  Two bank books for accounts where I have no/minimal money. I've been carrying these for 6 months or so. A fold up shopping bag, essential.

Yep, you can see 4 different types/ brands of tissue. I am a mummy, I need tissues. The rude ones were donated to my stash by my sister. they were too naughty for her to use. I have no idea why she thought I would like them ... I try not to use them on the children, but hey, no one died.

Here we can see some of my stationery stash.

Two pens - not that many for me 

a mini pack of pencils, crayons, all escaped from their box, a diary and 2 notebooks, a story book a green tea bag, mints and gum (in case I'm likely to get a snog- not likely) a hair clip and a clothes peg (?)

A book on witchcraft and some purple suede gloves just in case I need to keep the yummy mummies away.

 A minion, a bracelet a hand crochet phone cover ( with a 3rd notebook inside) some pants, medicinal compound and wham balm ( two of my everyday therapy products) and some sunglasses.

I also have a make up bag, some escaped make up and a lovely set of highlighters.

What I think this says about me is that I am tidy, organised, friendly charming and sexy. What do you think ?