Monday, 6 February 2017

Why Being "Hot" Leaves Me Cold.

I've been single now for approximately 16 months. Whilst I am not desperate for some new love, nor pining for my old one, I am not dead. I would like a thoughtful , attractive man to go out with , to chat to after a tough day and of course sex can be fun..... What is on offer online falls rather short of my requirements.
Once you have waded through the married and attached, the too far away, the unfortunately featured and the non-linguistically gifted you are left with the rest. More filtering, too short, too young, too old, smokers, unemployed, those with dubious political opinions and affiliations, the shady and defensive, and those who want children. This all takes time, patience and effort.


So you filter , and filter, and make it clear in your carefully written profile that you are not looking for a one night stand and have no desire to meet anyone in a car park; you are witty and charming allowing your personality to shine out, game on.

That's when the real madness starts. You start getting messages, from men you don't know telling you you're "fit" or "hot" or asking you if "you're as horny as your photos". What?
Now I love a compliment, who doesn't? I like to be told I have a great smile , nice legs or fabulous hair, but this is something different. It's creepy, unwanted and smacks of inadequacy. They say what they would like to do to me, ask aggressively if I can take a "good pounding". I learned not to engage in conversation at all with this breed. Don't feed the trolls.

I met a guy a few months ago, we got on well. He was nice looking, employed and clean and he had a wicked sense of humour. All good. We met twice and left things open as to a 3rd date. He messaged me a few weeks later to tell me that he'd met someone he was really interested in . He felt it would take a few months to get to know her and to get to a level of intimacy with her. In the mean time , he said, would I be interested in meeting for nsa sex? No I wouldn't

Where has it all gone wrong? Did our grandmothers and mothers fight for women's rights just to fan the flame of misogyny? I respect men, why do so few respect me? Online dating is an excuse for some men to say what they really think- they hide behind a keyboard and let their real feelings flow out of their fingertips. My biggest fear is that in  over one hundred years of women fighting for our rights we haven't moved on. We have a woman hater in the world's top job. I don't want my daughters to wade through this quagmire of filth.

If you are a man, looking for dates online, be funny, be charming, be flirtatious, but don't be surprised if you tell someone  that they're "hot" they don't go immediately cold. I would.

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